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The thick flocks of snow--as dense and cotton--danced in their curious rhythm, encircling her as she stood to grasp her surroundings through the white curtain. They veered suddenly to the left with the next strong gush of wind, obeying to their only master on the journey from the skies.
Sadja ducked her head into the folds of the furry cloak, trying desperately but without success to keep the stinging cold snow from touching her skin. The moment she braced herself from the left, they charged at her from the right, spinning in their wild dance as the wind current changed, throwing the flakes around at it's whim. Sometimes they stopped in midair, frozen for just the blink of the eye, before continuing their tumble, down–down–down, in never-ending swirls of white.
The girl raised her face upwards, staring blankly at the gray sky above her. She watched as more and more flakes skipped their way downwards in a zick-zack course, before they finally touched down to join an ever-growing blanket of pure white that covered every inch of ground no matter where Sadja looked.
Her feet sank deeper each step she took--and her spirits shrank as the storm around her continued to grow.
Sadja ducked her head into the folds of the furry cloak, trying desperately but without success to keep the stinging cold snow from touching her skin. The moment she braced herself from the left, they charged at her from the right, spinning in their wild dance as the wind current changed, throwing the flakes around at it's whim. Sometimes they stopped in midair, frozen for just the blink of the eye, before continuing their tumble, down–down–down, in never-ending swirls of white.
The girl raised her face upwards, staring blankly at the gray sky above her. She watched as more and more flakes skipped their way downwards in a zick-zack course, before they finally touched down to join an ever-growing blanket of pure white that covered every inch of ground no matter where Sadja looked.
Her feet sank deeper each step she took--and her spirits shrank as the storm around her continued to grow.
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This has actually been written about a year ago. Last Winter to be exact. It was inspired by me sitting quietly in front of the window and watching the snow as it danced its way down from the skies. The character, Sadja, is taken out of my original story. She was making her way through a storm, searching for shelter, but as the story continued she was not very successful and ended up with her face first in the cold, white stuff.
Cold. Snow. I hate it...
Hope it's not as terrible as I think it is. All I did was re-write it a little bit with the skill I gained in the span of a year, and I have to admit it didn't get much better. If at all.
And please remember: Even though I am not native English I want you to tear this writing practice into pieces should you get the chance. I'm always looking for constructive critis..critis..m?
Hey, I got an idea... if any writers out there are bored, would you like to start a little game? You can take what I wrote there, and continue it or precede it with something else that would fit. Then I take what you wrote and continue with that... Can do that either by submitting it in your Gallery, Scrap Section or just replying here.
I know it sounds a bit wacky, but I need a reason to get back into writing!
EDIT (23Nov05) ~Magnet-Rose was so nice to help me writing along a bit, so I edited her suggestions into the writing practice. Thanks!
Cold. Snow. I hate it...
Hope it's not as terrible as I think it is. All I did was re-write it a little bit with the skill I gained in the span of a year, and I have to admit it didn't get much better. If at all.
And please remember: Even though I am not native English I want you to tear this writing practice into pieces should you get the chance. I'm always looking for constructive critis..critis..m?
Hey, I got an idea... if any writers out there are bored, would you like to start a little game? You can take what I wrote there, and continue it or precede it with something else that would fit. Then I take what you wrote and continue with that... Can do that either by submitting it in your Gallery, Scrap Section or just replying here.
I know it sounds a bit wacky, but I need a reason to get back into writing!
EDIT (23Nov05) ~Magnet-Rose was so nice to help me writing along a bit, so I edited her suggestions into the writing practice. Thanks!
© 2005 - 2024 Sadja
Comments8
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Wo-hoa. Sadj. That was flat-out awesome. WOOOOOOOOT!
Come ON. That was a great excerpt! The descriptive language is excellent. The whole thing....maaan, it's just so GOOD! I LOVE IT!
This is awesome.
Only thing I have to critique: "encircling her as she stood to grasp her surroundings through the white curtain". I'm pretty sure that's meant to be something like 'as she stood, trying to grasp'
Just something you might want to clear up.Otherwise...totally rocks. You should make a full-fledged piece out of this.